You’ve seen his antics on our pages for years now, and he’s always our go-to guy when there’s a mission that the rest of us simply aren’t brave enough to undertake. We’re talking, of course, about our loveable, adventurous, charming, sometimes frightening in-house reporter Mr. Sato.

But did you know, dear reader, that Mr. Sato actually has a twin brother!? Just look at that photo–we bet you’d struggle to say which of the two is our reporter and which is the brother!

On this momentous occasion (we swore he was pulling our leg about being a twin all this time!) we sat our reporter down and, for the first time in his life, interviewed him to find about his life as a twin.

RN24: So, you really are a twin. But which of you was born first?

Mr. Sato: I was told that I was the first to enter the world.

RN24: What line of work is your brother in?

Mr. Sato: He works in the paint and coatings industry.

RN24: What character traits or mannerisms do you think you guys share?

Mr. Sato: Everything. The way we approach things is different, but our goals are more or less the same. (Well, that’s how we were anyway. These days we lead quite different lives, so there are probably small differences…)

RN24: Are there any times when you think, “I’m glad I was born a twin!”? Have you ever benefitted from it?

Mr. Sato: Being a twin gets you more friends. When I meet my brother’s friends, they always behave warmly towards me right off the bat – it’s easy to become friends with them! Most of my memories, from kindergarten to student life, I share with my brother. As the years go by we have more and more interesting stories to tell. I think that’s something that only twins can experience.

Honestly, we can still hardly believe it’s true…

Photo: RocketNews24

• Mr. Sato’s blonde ambition leads him to look for love from beyond the grave
• Mr. Sato takes a stroll in his USB Pollen Blocker: “Felt great but it was a struggle to order coffee”
• Mr. Sato Gets a Turkish Makeover with “A Popular Hairstyle” of the Nation
• Mr. Sato Goes Glam, Like Some Cat from Japan
• Pizza Hut/Evangelion Collaboration Offer Fans Chance to Win an Entry Plug Cushion!

Origin: People of the world, brace yourselves: Mr. Sato… has a twin!
Copyright© RocketNews24 / SOCIO CORPORATION. All rights reserved.

We all have foods that we love perhaps a little more than we should, but for Mr. Sato, a man whose love of food in general has taken him on many a colorful, abdomen-abusing adventure risking his health and even his sanity, the gustatory passion that tops all others is shellfish. So when he headed off to report on an all-you-can-eat shrimp restaurant for us, we feared for his life.

Here is his report:

I love seafood even more than meat, and among seafood, shellfish, and especially shrimp, are my favorite. I have a very important announcement to any other shrimpaholics out there: I found an all-you-can-eat shrimp restaurant! And it’s only 500 yen (about US$5)! This is surely shrimp heaven, a pleasure garden of sweet crustaceans! Let’s shuck those little rascals and stuff ourselves until our hands are too swollen to go on!

• For once, eat your fill

This dream shrimpathon is brought to you by Rumoi Marche, a restaurant found in Tokyo’s Akihabara neighborhood. As the name indicates, they serve Western-style meals featuring seafood from the town of Rumoi in Hokkaido.

Without a doubt, their most popular item is the all-you-can-eat deal. At just 500 yen for endless raw shrimp, not just shrimpaholics, but anyone in their right mind would want to give it a try, right? We certainly did.

• Dinner only, if you’re lucky

Rumoi Marche is open for lunch, but this deal is only offered from 5pm on, so don’t make the mistake of going too early. Also, the deal is dependent on the availability of shrimp, so you may want to give them a call before going to make sure they are offering it on that particular night.

• Don’t get complacent

I turned up at 6pm on a Friday night, thinking I would be getting in early enough to get a head start, but the place was packed with tourists and couples chowing down and the calls for refills were already coming fast and heavy, so don’t think you’ll have an advantage just by showing up early.

• Then, sublime shrimp ecstasy

Almost immediately upon ordering, a bowl appeared with mounds of shrimp piled atop ice–roughly, 10 per serving, I would guess. Shucking off the brilliantly red shell, the translucent white and pink flesh was revealed. A little dip in the soy sauce and… HEAVEN! The slight sweetness of the meat seemed to melt in my mouth. This is bliss. If you like shrimp, these crustaceans will have you fainting in an agony of deliciousness with just one bite!

• Shucking and eating

From then on, I tucked in. Perhaps because they are on ice, but the shells seemed to stick to the body and I wasn’t able to take them off cleanly. The shrimp also seemed a bit fragile. If you tugged too hard on the shell, sometimes the flesh tore, but despite that, they were delicious! Once you start eating, you won’t be able to stop, and before you know it, you’ll be calling for a refill.

• A happy shrimpaholic

When you do that, the staff will come take your bowl of ice and then bring it back topped up with more delicious shrimp. And they’ll just keep doing that for as long as you can handle it! Yes!

In the end, I ate about 30 shrimp, and for 500 yen, that’s an unbelievable bargain. I don’t think there is another deal anywhere that would make a shrimpaholic quite as happy! You can’t help but smile when those endless shrimp are heading your way.

• But maybe not a great date spot…

I just have one more piece of advice for you today. I mentioned before that there were a lot of couples when I arrived, but I definitely wouldn’t recommend this for a date. For one thing, when you peel off the shell, a little water squirts out, so you have to be resigned to a certain amount of mess. More importantly, if I can speak bluntly, peeling shrimp makes your hands absolutely stink, and who’s going to want to hold a hand that reeks of shrimp?

Maybe it would be OK for a couple that shares a consuming passion for shrimp, though… In any event, solo or with a friend, you will want to check this place out!

Shop Info
Rumoi MarcheAkihabara Ekimae Plaza 5F
Sotokanda 1-18-18, Chiyoda-ku
Open every day 11:30-2:30, 5:00-11:00 (Fri and day before holiday until 11:30, Sun and holidays until 10:00)

▼ If you order the all-you-can-eat shrimp, you will also get a bowl for your shells, a dish from soy sauce, and a moist towelette. This moist towelette is VERY important.

▼ Sweet shrimp, nestled like little fairies on their bowl of ice

▼ Eat this with a dab of soy sauce and your mouth will be flooded with a delicate sweetness. Delicious!

▼ My first 13 victims!

▼ Refill number one

▼ Even at this level of carnage, the price is still 500 yen! A grateful shrimpaholic applauds!

Photos: RocketNews24

• Run, Forest! Run to your Nearest Bubba Gump Shrimp for Seafood so Tasty Even Japan is Enamored 【3-D Photos】
• Now that’s what I call super-size! Lotteria’s special September & October mondo burger promotion!
• Bizarre deep-sea shrimp or delicious sushi? Japanese netizens weigh in
• The Onion Tower is Here! Mr. Sato Takes on 100 Slices of Grilled Onion in one Monster Burger
• 10 crazy pizzas from Japan

Origin: Mr. Sato sacrifices his hands on the altar of all-you-can-eat shrimp
Copyright© RocketNews24 / SOCIO CORPORATION. All rights reserved.

Throughout the world, Britain is known for many things–great music, excellent literature, and sexy men. One thing the country isn’t known for, though, is their good food. In fact, if you ask nearly anyone what they think of British food they’ll probably stick their tongues out and make gagging noises.

It’s a bit unfair, but even in Tokyo–where you can find restaurants serving cuisine from all over the globe–the closest you’ll find to British food is a pub. Although, we have to admit, our friends from the Queen’s country at least know how to serve a good drink.

Recently, though, Mr. Sato and Yoshio, both writers for the Japanese side of RocketNews24, got their hands on a carton of Pot Noodle, a brand of instant noodles so awful “it was voted the ‘most hated brand’ in the UK in a 2004 poll.” And what did our Japanese colleagues think of these awful noodles?

Despite their reputation for being absolutely atrocious, the noodles are still apparently widely consumed in their native country. Produced by Unilever, the noodles were described by one of our British colleagues like this: “I think there are still a lot of people who eat them. There are some who find the noodles tasty, and some who don’t eat them at all. As it is, I ate them in university, but since then I haven’t bought them at all, and I don’t want to eat them.”

Well, that’s a glowing recommendation if we ever heard one!

But that got Mr. Sato and Yoshio thinking–just what in the world do these allegedly horrible noodles taste like? After all, instant noodles are huge in Japan–we would guess (without absolutely any evidence whatsoever) that at lunch time on any given day at least half of the Japanese population is eating ramen from a cup. If anyone is going to be a good judge of the quality (or lack of quality) of some instant noodles, we’re pretty sure two hard-working Japanese writers would be the people to ask!

Brave and curious, the two men cracked open a carton of the Pot Noodles, added some hot water and recorded their reactions. Here’s a quick summary of their journey to the center of disgusting Pot Noodles!

▼ Yoshio wondering just what the hell he’s about to put in his mouth.

▼ “Here’s what they look like,” he shows Mr. Sato without a hint of excitement.

▼ The noodles are still a bit al dente, but that’s apparently how Yoshio likes them.
“Oh, then they’re perfect for you, right?” Mr. Sato asks.

▼ Apparently not…

Even after violently gagging, Yoshio puts on a brave face and digs back in! “The broth…has like no flavor,” Yoshio explains after another bite, “but it has kind of a lime taste and it’s really thick. What the hell…” After slurping down another mouthful of noodles, Yoshio grins and adds, “But once you get used to it, it’s totally edible.”

▼ Though he’s still not entirely sure what he just put in his mouth.

When asked about the lime flavor by Mr. Sato, Yoshio says that it’s kind of sour–and thick. “I’ve never had anything that was this lacking in flavor and yet this thick, so at first–that initial impact–it’s kind of a shock.” After mulling it over for a bit, he decides, “Well, after you get used to the taste, you can definitely eat them.”

▼ “So they’re not very tasty?” Mr. Sato asks.
“Yeah, not tasty at all,” Yoshi laughs, “But they’re not impossible to get down.”

And now it’s Mr. Sato’s turn! Will he find the deliciousness hiding in these noodles waiting to be revealed like the heroine of a teenage romantic comedy?

▼ “Just try that first punch,” Yoshio says.

▼ Mr. Sato takes a sip and…

▼ “What the hell is this?!” Mr. Sato cries out.

▼ “Seriously, what the hell is this??”

▼ “No, really, just what the hell is this???”

After describing the taste–”This is horrible! It’s like…the broth has no flavor, but the top layer is spicy. It’s like drinking spicy hot water. But even so…it’s so thick! I don’t get this at all!”–Mr. Sato decides to give the noodles a try.

▼”It feels like there’s something really important missing.”

After terrorizing their mouths with the Pot Noodles, the men agreed that while you could get used to them, you’d never really like eating them. “But what could you add to make them better?” Yoshio wonders aloud. After thinking about adding some salt–or replacing the noodles altogether–they decide that these noodles might just be beyond repair.

“But…I’m still eating them!” Mr. Sato realizes with a laugh. “They’re bad but…yeah, they’re bad.”

You can watch the entire video below to see their hilarious reactions. Don’t worry, even if you can’t understand Japanese, gagging is the same in every language.

So, have any of our readers tried Pot Noodle? If so, do you have any tips on how to make them delicious? Or at least more edible?? Be sure to let us know in the comments. Maybe we can get Mr. Sato to give it another go!

All images and video by RocketNews24. Horrible instant noodles by England.

• Noodles Go Gourmet: We Sample “Udon Sashimi” in Tokyo
• Japanese Style Yakisoba Flavored Yakisoba: It’s Confusingly Delicious!
• Pot Noodles prove too much for Japanese taste buds
• How many RocketNews24 reporters does it take to eat one family’s worth of udon?
• We Take Mr. Sato for a Shampoo and Trim at the Pet Salon 【Thrifty Style】

Origin: Our Japanese staff try British cup noodles, didn’t completely hate the experience
Copyright© RocketNews24 / SOCIO CORPORATION. All rights reserved.

Imagine if you had ten minutes to run amuck in a convenience store and could eat whatever you wanted and as much of it as you could. Now imagine it’s a Japanese convenience store where the unwritten rule is: If you can’t find something you want to eat, you aren’t hungry.

Our well-seasoned convenience store correspondent Mr. Sato had just gotten such an experience recently in the FamilyMart booth at Niconico Super Party III, but discovered that an all-you-can-eat convenience store experience isn’t without its difficulties.

Getting in
The FamilyMart All-You-Can-Eat Convenience Store Challenge was held at Niconico Super Party III, a massive event celebrating the online video posting site which draws hundreds of thousands of in-person participants and millions more online. Among all those people, to be one of the few lucky enough to partake in the combini buffet was no easy task.

To get in Mr. Sato had to buy his 250 yen (US$2.44) ticket by registering after 10:00am on the day of the event and receive a receipt with a special code. Luckily, Mr. Sato was no stranger to such campaigns and got his code before they sold out in under an hour.

The Rules
While this is an all-you-can-eat convenience store extravaganza, this wasn’t a Thunderdome-style eating frenzy. It had some rules and was probably more like whatever society those kids Mad Max rescued built after escaping Tina Turner.

Family Mart All-You-Can-Eat Rules

• Time Limit: 10 minutes
• You can only take three products at one time (drinks and seasonings do not count as “one product”)
• Messy eating will result in a yellow card by the referee
• If you receive two yellow cards, your time is over immediately

Indeed judges were on-hand making sure that participants finished their items completely before getting more and made sure they weren’t being dirty little pigs. They were excessively muscular for the task too…

Mr. Sato wasn’t fazed by this, however. Even though he had eaten some of the most frightening junk food abominations around, he always did so with meticulous cleanliness.

Begin!
If you’d like to watch Mr. Sato’s All-You-Can-Eat Convenience Store Challenge then here it is! However, beware that it’s long and will probably make you really hungry.

In the end, he could throw down four pieces of FamilyMart Fried Chicken (Famichiki), one Jumbo Frank, one onigiri (riceball), one baked cheesecake, and one cream puff. You might think that wasn’t very much for 10 minutes of unadulterated snacking, and a disappointed Mr. Sato would have to agree with you.

Upon beginning the challenge our reporter’s mind was racing with strategy. A fan of nearly everything on the faithfully recreated shelves inside the Niconico venue he had to think of the best use of his ten minutes.

Eating a bento or cup noodles would have been too much of a time drainer. Bread held the risk of making his mouth dry and was also avoided. Basically anything requiring a spoon was out of the question too because of both the time consumption and risk of a messy yellow card.

In the end he focused on the famichiki because they were compact and easy to eat quickly. The only downside was they required the staff’s assistance to get and line-ups were a danger. His biggest regret was getting the onigiri. It was too filling and he thought he could have eaten two more famichiki instead.

Here are Mr. Sato’s parting words for those who are lucky enough to participate in such an event from now on:

“You should not eat the rice balls! Focus your attention on hot foods such as the famichiki and hotdogs! Hit the low-carb creamy snacks that you can fit in one hand like cream puffs, and you should be able to glide through this challenge smoothly! Just be careful not to make a mess or you’ll get carded out of the game. Don’t forget!!”

He then collapsed into one of his classic junk food induced comas requiring a blood transfusion and weeks of rehabilitation… Oh Mr. Sato, will you ever learn? Hahahaaa!

Haha…aheh… Seriously though, donate to your local blood bank. We’re running out of reporters.

Original Article by Mr. Sato
Pictures and Video: RocketNews24

▼ The FamilyMart stage was set…

▼ What would you choose?

▼ Too late! Go now!

▼ Time’s up! It’s amazing how fast 10 minutes can go.

• The Onion Tower is Here! Mr. Sato Takes on 100 Slices of Grilled Onion in one Monster Burger
• Mr. Sato celebrates Japan’s Good Meat Day by taking on Burger King’s all-you-can-eat Whopper deal
• We try to get the first PS4 sold in Japan, and so does this guy dressed like a Move controller
• Mr. Sato Takes on the “Mammoth 2kg Fried Chicken Curry”
• RocketNews24 Staff Compete in “Go! Go! Curry” Speed-Eating Contest, Fail to Make Top 5 Despite Throat-Scorching Speed

Origin: Mr. Sato takes on Family Mart’s “All-You-Can-Eat Convenience Store Challenge!”
Copyright© RocketNews24 / SOCIO CORPORATION. All rights reserved.

Happy belated Gokusen Day!

What, you forgot that the first ever Gokusen Day was held last Friday (5/9 [“go-ku”]) after being created by fruit brand Dole? It’s okay, I’m sure after reading our previous announcement that little tidbit of trivia fell into the recesses of your memory banks along with the dates of International Lefthanders Day (8/13) and World Wetlands Day (2/2).

That’s sad news, however, because you missed the chance to pick up one of the limited edition 59 Gokusen Premium Bananas sold for one day only. Of course, if it’s limited our own Mr. Sato will be there to get one. He even goes out in search of certain strains of influenza that are available for a limited time only.

■ Takashimaya Round Two

A battle-hardened veteran of getting limited-edition stuff, Mr. Sato was left with a bitter taste in his mouth rather than the sweet custard-chocolate filling of the limited edition Pie no Mi he failed to get a week earlier. He arrived at the prestigious Takashimaya department store in Shinjuku around noon only to find the entire stock had been wiped out.

Now with little time to recover, he was called back to Takashimaya to get one of only 59 bananas, each marked with a serial number guaranteeing they are the elite of Dole’s Gokusen Bananas. Such bananas have been developed by Dole by combining the best elements of taste and texture from 100 different kinds around the world.

Mr. Sato was once bitten and twice shy. He figured these were still just bananas though and he shouldn’t have to line up ridiculously early as he had in the past, deciding that arriving at the opening time of 10:00 a.m. would be fine. However, upon arriving he found a line of 15 people had already formed, with some people arriving as early as 8:30 a.m..

Luckily, since there were 59 and these Gokusen were limited to one per person, he wasn’t too late.

■ No.39

Mr. Sato had easily acquired his Gokusen banana wrapped in a classy black box with maroon tissue-paper packing. Our reporter opened the case to reveal the limited edition Gokusen and saw by its serial number that it was No.39 of 59.

This label was made with Dole’s special banana printing technology. They’ve used this before in the Tokyo Marathon to give out “Banana Trophies” to participants, personalized with their names and finish times.

■ How does it taste?

Pulling away the printed peel, Mr. Sato thought it looked like any old banana. He was beginning to worry that its 590 yen (US$5.79) price tag was all just for banana printers, maroon tissue paper and hype.

However, the first bite floored our reporter. By the looks of it he was expecting that mushy but delicious texture of a regular banana, but this was not the case. This banana was firm! It wasn’t hard, of course; there was a spongy and yielding texture to this Gokusen, but it felt denser, almost like there was more banana in this banana than other bananas.

This Gokusen was also equally rich in taste as it was in texture. The flavor was sweet with a just hint of sourness. It was a consistent flavor that seemed to coat the entire mouth evenly. It was kind of like eating a regular banana right at that sweet moment just before it starts to go bad. However, Mr. Sato thought the Gokusen had a more permanent feeling like it would always taste this sweet.

Although it was a taste that could be described as bold, Mr. Sato wouldn’t describe it as overwhelming. It came through firmly and lingered for a little while before fading away. All in all, it was a premium banana-eating experience.

■ Conclusion

So it was a good banana, but was it a 590-yen banana? For a special occasion such as Gokusen Day it’s probably a good way to indulge in some high-end ‘nana action, but not every day. It should be noted that Mr. Sato’s No.39 was an elite Gokusen Day Gokusen carefully selected for its extreme size and weight.

If you’re interested in sampling a regular Gokusen, they’re also widely available at supermarkets across Japan. They’re smaller but also more reasonably priced at around 290 yen ($2.84) for a bag of six.

Original article by Mr. Sato
Photos: RocketNews24
Video: YouTube – DoleJapanLtd

• Dole establishes Gokusen Day with 59 of their absolute finest serial numbered bananas
• Japan is going bananas over … bananas! We try new banana drinks from Starbucks and McDonald’s
• New banana shake-flavored Tokyo Banana cakes come out — in bright prints!
• Limited edition triple-size Lotte pie snack is so popular, we’re unable to get our hands on them!
• She doesn’t need beer goggles to look cute, but we try Hello Kitty Beer anyway

Origin: Mr. Sato celebrates Gokusen Day with one of 59 Premium Gokusen Bananas
Copyright© RocketNews24 / SOCIO CORPORATION. All rights reserved.

Although now a man in his 40s, Mr. Sato has long held a special place in his heart for the Fist of the North Star series. He recalls picking up a copy of the manga 20 years ago and heading straight out to the gym for two sets of 18kg (40lbs) bench presses.

After two weeks of that, he felt he had reached his full potential, but was still nowhere near as cool as the series’ protagonist Kenshiro. Decades later came word of the Fist of North Star bi-weekly DVD collection beginning at Kinokuniya in Shinjuku. The first day of sale was to be rung in by a gathering of cosplay characters from the series. Mr. Sato’s mind raced at the possibility of truly becoming his long-time hero Kenshiro.

Just then Mr. Sato’s editor approached him saying, “Hey, you like North Star don’t you? How’d you like to go down there and cosplay as…”

“You’ve stood in my way long enough! I’m going to Shinjuku to become as awesome as Kenshiro is whether you like it or not!” shouted Mr. Sato snapping out of his daydream and crushing a paper cup in his mighty fist.

“Yeah, that’s what I was going to sa…”

Mr. Sato interjected, “You’re already dead.” He then flicked the paper cup at the editor’s forehead and walked determinedly out of the office without looking back.

Having spent a good chunk of his life savings on acquiring clothes just like Kenshiro’s and then having a mullet like the martial artist crafted by the finest hairstylists of Tokyo, Mr. Sato was ready to go to the event. However, dozens of meters away from the bookstore he spotted a problem.

All of the other cosplayers there were dressed up like minor characters. If Mr. Sato waltzed in looking like the greatest Hokuto Shinken fighter of 199X, the others would see him as some kind of pompous jerk. Thinking fast, our reporter ducked into a convenience store and bought a razor and a sharpie. Minutes later he emerged from the store’s washroom with his new look. Now he was the spitting image of Zeed rather than Kenshiro.

Mr. Sato then casually went up to the group of cosplayers saying “Yo, what’s up?” They silently stared at him with furrowed brows until one of them said, “Something’s not right with you.” They slowly began to circle Mr. Sato as someone uttered, “Yeah, Kenshiro doesn’t have a Mohawk or Z-666 written on his head.”

“It’s a pretty crappy Kenshiro with all that junk on your head” hissed a man with pale eyes and a leather face mask. “But it’s a cool punk look anyway!” With that they all laughed. Mr. Sato joined in too, discretely wiping the beads of sweat from his forehead.

The mood was jubilant out in front of the book store as the small band of road warriors cavorted the afternoon away. Then suddenly, one of them turned to Mr. Sato and shouted, “SAY MY NAME!”

“Um… Heisenberg?” said Mr. Sato, not knowing the famous line used by Kenshiro’s brother Jagi and causing everyone in the group to instantly fall silent. You see, Mr. Sato had actually only read a few pages of the manga before running off to the gym way back then. He didn’t know anything about the series beyond Kenshiro being cool.

Later that day, Mr. Sato sat tending to his cuts and bruises and began catching up on the First of the North Star series with his first of the bi-weekly DVD’s sold by De Agostini. “Huh, this is actually pretty good,” he thought to himself and winced in pain when he finally saw Jagi for the first time.

So, next time you see a guy doing arm curls with only the bar and “Z-666” written on his forehead because he accidentally bought a permanent marker, don’t say hi to Mr. Sato. Say hi to Kensato, 202X’s hero of humanity.

Source: De Agostini
Photos and Video: RocketNews24

• The Taste of Lies: Can the Taste of a Man’s Face Betray His Wickedness?
• Mr. Sato celebrates Japan’s Good Meat Day by taking on Burger King’s all-you-can-eat Whopper deal
• AKB48 to hold exclusive show for coffee contest winners, Mr. Sato immediately buys over 300 cans
• Mr. Sato takes on Family Mart’s “All-You-Can-Eat Convenience Store Challenge!”
• We try to get the first PS4 sold in Japan, and so does this guy dressed like a Move controller

Origin: Mr. Sato goes post-apocalyptic at Fist of the North Star event
Copyright© RocketNews24 / SOCIO CORPORATION. All rights reserved.

As we’ve declared before, convenience stores are one of the many things Japan gets awesomely right. And out of all the conbini in Japan, one of the greatest things housed within the walls of popular convenience store, Lawson, isn’t found on the shelves, but nestled safely behind the counter. Yes, their perfectly plump, consummately crispy fried chicken dubbed “Karaage-kun” costs a mere 210 yen (US$2.05) for hot, salty bliss. With a heart full of love for Karaage-kun, we could barely contain our jealousy upon learning that Mr. Sato, the most…unique reporter from our Japanese site, was invited to the Lawson headquarters to try out their new grilled Hokkaido corn-flavored Karaage-kun.

And so Mr. Sato marched down to crispy chicken HQ, still rocking his post-apocalyptic haircut, to try our most favorite convenience store snack. Little did he (or we) know that he would also be presented with an ultra-top-secret fried chicken unfit to be consumed by children younger than 15 years of age.

•  Their lips are sealed

Upon being presented with the R-15 rated chicken, Mr. Sato innocently asked, “So what kind of chicken is this?” to which the head of PR responded, “Umm, we’re not really allowed to tell you.” Mr. Sato couldn’t quite figure out why they were being so secretive, but the people at Lawson went through the trouble of making up a batch for Mr. Sato, so it wasn’t as if he could say no to trying it.

• Time for a taste!

Mr. Sato decided to take it easy and went for the Karaage-kun in the blue carton, which is safe for comfort food fans of any age to consume.

It had the savory fragrance of soy sauce along with a strong umami flavor. It reminded him of April’s special Karaage-kun flavor, Phantom Chicken Wing, but without a peppery kick.

▼ April’s Phantom Chicken Wing flavor

Mr. Sato moved on to the red carton of mystery fried chicken that bore the ominous “R-15″ label.

▼ Peering down at the black and red box, Mr. Sato became a little nervous.

▼ Poker face.

The first bite wasn’t nearly as bad as he had thought, but as he munched on the delicious nuggets, their spicy flavor intensified. “This would be so good with beer!” he exclaimed, hinting at his need for something to put out the fire that was growing in his gullet.

• Coming soon!

The blue package Karaage-kun will be on sale at Lawson convenience stores across Japan on July 1 and the red will soon follow on July 15. We’re sorry to inform our readers, but that’s all the information we have on these top secret snacks. You’ll just have to wait until next month to see what all the secrecy is about!

Photos: RocketNews24

• Mr. Sato takes on Family Mart’s “All-You-Can-Eat Convenience Store Challenge!”
• Mr. Sato Takes on the “Mammoth 2kg Fried Chicken Curry”
• We try one meter of skewered grilled chicken: The Mega-Yakitori
• Forget the Big Mac, Why Not Try Some Curry at McDonald’s in Thailand
• We try french fries and chocolate sauce at Lotteria Japan

Origin: Mr. Sato tries top secret rated-R fried chicken from popular Japanese convenience store
Copyright© RocketNews24 / SOCIO CORPORATION. All rights reserved.

The touchscreen is both the greatest and most annoying part of a smartphone. On the plus side, you’ve got clear images, vibrant colors, and the simplicity that comes from bypassing a bunch of buttons and menus. At the same time, though, you’ve also got to deal with unsightly scratches and cracks.

We recently heard about a new protective sheet that’s supposed to be able to withstand almost any kid of abuse, so we put it to the test against a variety of damaging instruments including what one shopkeeper told us was the legendary sword Excalibur.

The packaging for many companies’ protective films and sheets for smartphones don’t list the materials used in making them, but that’s not the case for the new Z’us-G (pronounced “Zeus G”). Manufactured by optical glass maker Hoya, Z’us-G is made out of aluminosilicate glass, which is itself a compound that includes aluminum oxygen, and silicon.

With such high-grade materials, you’d expect the Z’us-G to be sturdy, and it certainly seems fitting of the label in this video released by Hoya that shows it resisting scratches even after being scrubbed with steel wool.

Hoya has also showed off the product’s toughness with tests of how far it can bend without cracking, plus dropping it from a height of 150 centimeters (59 inches), with no noticeable damage to the screen.

Still, we weren’t just going to take Hoya’s word that the Z’us-G would keep our screen safe, so we obtained a sheet to run some tests of our own. The sheet was easy to attach, leaving behind no air pockets between itself and the screen’s glass. It’s smooth to the touch, and comes pre-treated with a coating to prevent grease and grime from sticking to it.

For our first experiment, we called on ace reporter Mr. Sato to simulate a plausible screen-damaging scenario. If you carry your smartphone in your pocket, along with a pen, there’s a pretty good chance that eventually the tip of the writing instrument is going to nick the glass.

If it’s something that can easily happen by accident, scratching the surface should be no problem if that’s what you’re actually trying to do, right?

Try as he might though, Mr. Sato wasn’t able to leave as much as a mark on the Z’us-G.

Most of our staff was satisfied with this, but another of our writers, Harada, had a dissenting opinion.

A dissenting, X-Acto knife-based opinion.

Taking the phone to a park near our office (because if you’re going to do something crazy, it might as well be in public), Harada bumped things up a level by seeing how the Z’us-G would hold up against a tool actually designed to cut things into pieces.

Once again, though, the protective screen did its job perfectly, finishing the test looking no worse than before we’d started. It seems the 21st-century science and technology of Hoya’s production process is too strong for any modern edged instrument, so Harada decided to expand his search to the lore of ages past by looking for a legendary blade that could cleave the Z’us-G.

Following the logic that the nearby town of Kamakura was home to many generations of samurai, Harada hopped on the train headed to the city’s famous Sankaido souvenir shop. Located not far from Kamakura’s gigantic Great Buddha statue, Sankaido sells all sorts of touristy knickknacks like keychains and baseball caps. They also have a huge selection of replica weapons.

We were a little surprised that Harada didn’t select that sweet-looking Master Sword from the store’s weaponry, but in the end Link’s blade lost out to King Arthur’s, and Harada walked out of Sankaido with the fabled Excalibur.

▼ To obtain it, Harada had to part with 16,800 silver pieces/one-yen coins (US$165)

Of course, if you’re lugging around a broadsword in broad daylight, you also need a warrior’s headband. Really, you’d just look silly without it.

Harada placed his smartphone on the chopping black, and readied himself to strike.

…when suddenly, a thought occurred to him.

Even if the Z’us-G could stand up to the might of Excalibur, that didn’t mean the internals of Harada’s iPhone wouldn’t be crushed by the blow. Realizing that mercy is one of the truest virtues of a noble swordsman, Harada tempered his slash, altering the test from a full overhead strike to a light blow with a sawing motion at the end.

Once again, the protective sheet was unscathed.

Really, there was a lot to be happy about here. Our writer’s iPhone is safe and sound, and it’s always nice to find a product that works as advertised. We even have a nice new company hand-and-a-half sword for all of our melee-related business needs. The only downside is that we’re not sure whether Harada’s blood-lust has been quenched or not. Hopefully he’ll stop by Kamakura’s beautiful Hydrangea Temple and calm himself down before coming back to Tokyo.

Related: Z’us-G
Photos: RocketNews24

• Final Fantasy café puts spirits within you with materia cocktails, chocolate buster swords
• Real, functional Attack on Titan swords: This man’s year-long project will blow your mind
• Explosion-proof membranes won’t keep your phone from blowing, but it might save you from the shrapnel
• Keep in touch with all your Scout Corps friends with this Attack on Titan iPhone case
• Evangelion? Cool. Katana? Cool. Evangelion and katana? Very cool!

Origin: We test our iPhone’s new protective sheet against the legendary sword Excalibur
Copyright© RocketNews24 / SOCIO CORPORATION. All rights reserved.

One day, while Mr. Sato was off-duty, he was doing some shopping around Nakano Broadway in Tokyo. This shopping plaza is sometimes called a “mecca of subculture” for its various stores peddling old books and figures. Of course, Nakano Broadway has many other shops including grocery and household item stores.

In particular, the first floor is filled with women’s clothing shops selling items at rock-bottom prices. On a complete whim Mr. Sato steered into one shop boasting every item for only 575 yen (US$5.60). As if guided by a mysterious force, Mr. Sato entered this store. Little did he know that he was being guided… by the god of rock.

■ “Everything 575 yen”

Mr. Sato was in disbelief at his own actions thinking to himself, “How could this place for old ladies have anything of interest to me?” Still, as if possessed, he passed through the threshold. Looking around a new thought entered his mind: “These can’t be lady clothes, can they?!”

All around him were psychedelic patterns sometimes chaotically splattered like a Jackson Pollack painting and yet sometimes rigidly organized like a Jackson Pollack Lego Gas Station. To Mr. Sato’s left were a pair of yellow stretchy pants with a dense geometric pattern printed all over, but the greatest find was a sleeveless shirt with skulls and roses drawn all over.

He stood there for a moment, mouth slightly agape, and then muttered to himself, “I get it now. It all makes sense…”

■ HRHM

Back in the heyday of what some scholars call “hair metal,” there were legions of artists to choose from. They all had their gimmicks from The Party Animal fighting off ladies with sticks to The Satanic Wizards clutching the dragon scepter to whatever Yngwie Malmsteen’s deal was. Despite their unique characters they all had one unifying factor: their look of big hair and flamboyant clothes.

Even their music often teetered between hard rock and heavy metal. In Japan especially, people got tired of trying to distinguish between the two and came up with the genre “hard rock heavy metal” shortened to “HRHM.”

Although now largely an archaic musical form, one great mystery of HRHM persists: Where did they get those clothes? Everyone knew to make it in HRHM means to have an outlandishly excessive outfit but those found in designer boutiques are far too expensive for the average up-and-coming rocker. So how did David Lee Roth get his purple stretch pants and sun hat before becoming the David Lee Roth?

■ Warm August Snow

“This is where Cinderella, Whitesnake, Winger, and the Crue first got their stage costumes…” thought Mr. Sato amazed at what he had just found. Indeed fate had brought him to the very source of rock music – a Japanese women’s bargain shop.

It was at this point that Mr. Sato realized that it wasn’t him who had found the source of rock, rather it found him. It was time for him to become an HRHM star. He picked out some matching items and headed back to the office to try them on.

First he tried on the yellow geometric stretch pants and some yellow low-cut T-shirts. He then completed the look with a Wonder Woman tiara and cat-paw imitation Crocs that are left around the office in case of emergency. Immediately he could feel the spirit of rock pulse through his body and grow…

And grow…

And grow…

He felt for sure this was how Stryper must have started out. That outfit was great for his hard-rocking party anthems, but everyone knows the key to HRHM success is the tender ballad. It’s a radio-friendly way to show the artist’s gentler side underneath all that macho make-up and glitter. For this, Mr. Sato picked out the skull and roses shirt. The imagery on the blouse represents the struggle of good and evil that goes on in his tortured poetic soul.

And so, Mr. Sato’s debut album featuring the tracks “Party in the Men’s Room,” “Talking Dirty to Professor Feelgood,” and the single “Warm August Snow” will go on sale as soon as he finds other band members. It turns out it’s surprisingly difficult to find people who want to be in a non-ironic hair metal band in 2014.

Original article by Mr. Sato
Photos: RocketNews24

▼ Mr. Sato felt the crotch of the pants were unusually tight. It may have been the power of rock, or because they were ladies’ pants.

• We give Mr. Sato a Gyro Bowl: Can it withstand even his creepiest undulations?
• Mr. Sato takes on Family Mart’s “All-You-Can-Eat Convenience Store Challenge!”
• Mr. Sato tries top secret rated-R fried chicken from popular Japanese convenience store
• We try to get the first PS4 sold in Japan, and so does this guy dressed like a Move controller
• Mr. Sato’s blonde ambition leads him to look for love from beyond the grave

Origin: Mr. Sato goes discount women’s clothes shopping and discovers a shocking secret
Copyright© RocketNews24 / SOCIO CORPORATION. All rights reserved.

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge is still going strong, thanks to its mix of suspense, physical comedy, and contributions for a worthy cause. Business and entertainment moguls from around the world have participated, and recently even inanimate objects have started taking part with Samsung’s Galaxy S5 smartphone being doused by the Korean conglomerate’s U.K. division.

As per the rules of the challenge, Samsung then exercised its right to pass the dare onto someone else, and it designated rival Apple’s iPhone 5s. A quick comparison of the spec sheets for the two competing phones has some people crying foul at singling out the iPhone 5s, though. Today, we’re offering Samsung a chance to make things right.

See, there’s a key difference between the Galaxy S5 and the iPhone 5s, which is that the former is waterproof, and the latter isn’t. The comedic potential of the Ice Bucket Challenge is that it makes human participants uncomfortable without killing them, but you wouldn’t be able to say the same with the Apple model called out by Samsung. Since the deluge would likely destroy the phone, Samsung’s actions are a bit like daring someone to dump a bucket of fire over his head instead of one filled with ice water.

▼ If “bucket of fire” is too hard to imagine, then just think of a container of poisonous spiders.

Some have accused the Korean manufacturer of shamelessly taking advantage of the charity challenge for no reason other than to publicly reiterate the fact that the Galaxy S5 is waterproof, and that the iPhone 5s isn’t (and, for the record, Sony has been doing waterproof smartphones a lot longer). There’s at least one man who still has faith in Samsung, though, and that’s our Japanese-language correspondent Mr. Sato.

▼ Seen on the right, wearing the alternate version of the RocketNews24 summer uniform.

“They’d never do something that low!” he insists, springing to the defense of his beloved Samsung. “They just nominated the iPhone because it’s famous! If I challenged a non-waterproof Samsung product, they’d definitely accept!”

Of course, the only way to earn the right to designate the next Ice Bucket Challenge participant is to go through it yourself. So we took Mr. Sato, plus his personal (and waterproof) Samsung tablet to the nearest park, so he could bravely do what needed to be done.

Now Mr. Soaked Sato, he’s thrown down the gauntlet, nominating Samsung’s equally non-waterproof Galaxy Tab S for the challenge. We’re willing to accept satisfaction from any of Samsung’s many worldwide divisions, which is why in addition to verbally designating the Galaxy Tab S, we also put it in English.

The bucket’s in your court, Samsung.

Lest, in the process of making this a fair corporate fight, we forget that the Ice Bucket Challenge is really all about charity and giving, here are a few causes, the ALS Association included, that those of you taking part in the challenge may wish to donate to. Stay frosty, ice-dumpers!

ALS Association / Japan Red Cross Society / Cancer Research UK / (RED) 
Global Giving / Save the Children / World Vision / WWF

Top image: RocketNews24
Insert images: Wikimedia/Viajar24H, RocketNews24

• Japanese CEOs take on the ice bucket challenge
• “Pirates” challenge Asian leaders to ALS Ice Bucket Challenge; Monkey D Luffy not invited
• Thai DJ Puts iPhone on Blast…from an iPhone
• Samsung, IOC deny asking iPhone carrying Olympic athletes to cover their Apple logos
• Japan belongs to Apple: iPhone claims top 10 spots in total smartphone sales in November

Origin: Your turn, Samsung – Mr Sato returns the Ice Bucket Challenge to Korea’s electronics giant【Video】
Copyright© RocketNews24 / SOCIO CORPORATION. All rights reserved.

In Japan, where the market for character-based merchandise is intensely competitive, it’s not always easy to predict what’ll take off. Sure, it was easy to see Hello Kitty and Pikachu coming, since either one could serve as the accompanying illustration for the definition of “adorable” in the dictionary, but who’s going to be the next big star?

There’s a new dark horse entry to the character goods arena, with one company hoping Japanese consumers’ ravenous hunger for all things kawaii will lead them to embrace something so ugly it just might be cute, in the form of T-shirts, notebooks, and purses all featuring the humongous marine bug called the giant isopod.

While visiting the recent Tokyo Gift Show, we stopped by the booth for Run’a Town, the visionaries behind the giant isopod iPhone case. The quirky smartphone accessory garnered a lot of buzz, and there’ve been other developments showing the isopod is gaining a bit of a cult following in Japan.

All the same, we’re not sure the country is quite ready for the massive flood of isopod merch Run’a Town is looking to unleash. The company has created no fewer than 48 different fictional isopod characters, and was pushing items featuring the creepy crawly menagerie during each day of the trade show.

Some of these seem almost reasonable. For example, these isopod notebooks would actually be kind of cool for taking notes in biology class.

These normally-shaped smartphone cases are also within most people’s bounds of acceptable quirkiness. They’re good for a chuckle when you pull it out, but generally unobtrusive since they spend most of their time in your pocket.

This isopod Alice band, though, is a bit more in-your-face (or on-you-head).

Also, remember how we said Run’a Town has come up with 48 isopod characters? We think maybe they should have stopped at a less ambitious number, as scraping the bottom of the barrel has given birth to such marginal creations as Feudal Japan Burglar Isopod…

…Panties on Its Head Isopod…

…Extreme Masochist and Sadist Isopods (although Mecha Isopod, on the far right, is sort of cool)…

…and finally, Sexy Naked Anthropomorphic Isopod (Fondling Its Own Nipples Version)!

Oddly enough, one of the few items on display we could actually see ourselves wanting to own was the giant isopod costume.

▼ Heck, it’s arguably not even the weirdest thing RocketNews24 correspondent Mr. Sato has worn in the last 30 days.

It’s surprisingly comfy, and would actually make for a pretty cool sleeping bag.

▼ Provided you can relax enough to fall asleep without fear of someone squashing you with a shoe or blasting you with bug spray before you wake up.

Run’a Town hasn’t made the final decision to start production on any of these yet, as they’re still gauging consumer interest. We’re not saying there’s no one out there who would buy these things, but honestly, we’re not sure about the wisdom of putting all of your eggs in one basket, especially when that basket is crawling with isopods. Worryingly, though, the marine bugs were taking up half of the booth, and Run’a Town was only showcasing one other line of merchandise at this year’s Gift Show: figurines of dogs straining to drop a deuce.

▼ We’re assuming many of you just said, “You’ve got to be shitting me,” but that’s the dog’s endeavor, not ours.

By comparison, the isopods are quite lovely.

▼ Note the elegant and total lack of hanging poo.

Photos: RocketNews24

• Japanese company creates iPhone case using a dead marine isopod
• Giant Underwater Pill-Bug Refuses to Eat for 4 Years, Scientists Puzzled Why It’s Being Such a Jerk
• New iPhone case looks like sea monster swallowed your phone
• New 3D aquarium show to let visitors experience a trip to the deep sea in Enoshima
• Adorable napping otters in Mie Prefecture school humanity in how to relax

Origin: It’s all about the isopod – Company pushes gifts and fashion featuring weird, sexy marine bugs
Copyright© RocketNews24 / SOCIO CORPORATION. All rights reserved.

Among RocketNews24’s bilingual writing team, you won’t find a single person who hasn’t, at some point, linguistically crammed their foot in their mouth (personally, I know I’ve gotten my knee and most of my thigh past my pearly whites on at least three separate occasions). So while we can definitely appreciate the humor involved in a strange language screw-up, we know we’re not immune to such things ourselves, and that the rest of the world can weird up its Japanese just as often as Japan stumbles over English.

Case in point: this man spotted napping on the subway in the U.S., who felt the need to inform his fellow passengers who can read Japanese that he is, in fact, not Mr. Sato.

The picture was snapped by Twitter user Gen Shin. Gen was out for a ride under the streets of New York when he noticed he was sharing the car with someone whose shirt stated, in no uncertain terms, Watashi wa Sato de wa arimasen, or, “I am not Sato.”

Now, it’s important to remember that you can’t always tell someone’s ethnic background at first glance. For example, my skin is so pale I have to buy sunscreen in bulk, but I’m actually half Arabic.

It’s possible that the sleepy subway passenger’s father or grandfather is Japanese. Are there really that many people, though, who look at the dude and immediately assume that he not only has a Japanese last name, but also that it’s Sato? Is this such a common occurrence that the time savings from not having to verbally explain his non-Sato-ness are such a benefit that it’s worth building his wardrobe around?

There’s one more question the T-shirt begs, which is if he’s not Mr. Sato, then who is? As longtime RocketNews24 readers can tell you, Mr. Sato is one of our intrepid Japanese correspondents. He’s…

…beautiful…

…ambitious…

…tenacious…

…stylish…

…hygienic…

…innovative…

…and trend-setting.

So, just to make sure we’re all perfectly clear on the matter, will the real Mr. Sato please stand up?

That’s our beautiful, ambitious, tenacious, stylish, hygienic, innovative, trend-setting guy, and we wouldn’t have him any other way.

Source: Hamster Sokuho
Top image: Hamster Sokuho, RocketNews24 (edited by RocketNews24)
Insert images: Hamster Sokuho, RocketNews24

• Mr. Sato’s blonde ambition leads him to look for love from beyond the grave
• Hamster babies steal our hearts, leave us begging for more
• Pizza Hut/Evangelion Collaboration Offer Fans Chance to Win an Entry Plug Cushion!
• Mr. Sato tries top secret rated-R fried chicken from popular Japanese convenience store
• Mr. Sato shows up in costume, is the first to purchase an iPhone 6 Plus, meets Ken Watanabe AGAIN

Origin: N.Y. man’s Japanese T-shirt announces “I am not Sato,” we couldn’t agree more
Copyright© RocketNews24 / SOCIO CORPORATION. All rights reserved.

Last year, our intrepid Japanese correspondent, Mr. Sato, basked in the limelight as he became the first person in Japan to buy a Docomo iPhone 5S. Now, with the new iPhone 6 and 6 Plus going on sale, he’s determined to capture another five minutes of fame, so he’s been camping out in front of the Docomo store in Tokyo’s downtown Marunouchi district since four days ago.

Lining up so early meant a lot of lonely downtime, but recently Mr. Sato’s day was brightened when a young lady asked him for his autograph! At least, it was brightened for a moment, before he learned the sobering secret behind her request.

We’re going to turn things over to Mr. Sato himself to describe what happened, after a brief self-introduction:

I’m a middle-aged guy. It might sound kind of weird to say this about yourself, but aside from having kind of a unique face, I don’t really have any saving grace. What’s more, my face isn’t necessarily interesting in a good way, and it makes some people feel uncomfortable or disgusted.

But even for a guy like me, if you live long enough, something good will happen, even if it’s a little thing…While I was lined up waiting for the launch of the iPhone 6 Plus, someone asked me for my autograph! And it was a girl!

▼ Mr. Sato as he ordinarily appears: crushingly alone.

On the evening of September 17, she appeared, asking, “You’re Mr. Sato, aren’t you?” I told her I sure was, and she slowly pulled out the thick, square card people use to ask for autographs in Japan. “Can I ask you to sign this for me?” she said.

▼ We can’t see her face, but hey, her clothes are definitely cute!

“Whoa, hold on!” I thought. “I’m no star!” Really, I was overwhelmed, and her request made my heart dance with joy.

But then we talked a little more, and she told me she didn’t want the autograph for herself. A guy she knew asked her to get it for him, and that was why she’d come.

What the heck, it’s for a guy? I already know I’ve got some fans who’re middle-aged dudes like me…

As soon as I head the truth, I was filled with disappointment. If you’re a middle-aged dude like me, you should be able to understand. Damn it all…

Too bad, Mr. Sato. But to his credit, our reporter was still willing to sign the card for his anonymous Y-chromosome bearing fan. And hey, this is the very first time he’s been asked for his signature! Who knows, maybe someday some nice young lady will ask him without being prodded into it by some other dude.

▼ In the meantime, we’re still wondering whether it was a lack of experience or seething jealousy that caused him to screw up writing the date.

Photos: RocketNews24

• Mr. Sato shows up in costume, is the first to purchase an iPhone 6 Plus, meets Ken Watanabe AGAIN
• Mr. Sato’s blonde ambition leads him to look for love from beyond the grave
• We try to get the first PS4 sold in Japan, and so does this guy dressed like a Move controller
• Mr. Sato tries top secret rated-R fried chicken from popular Japanese convenience store
• N.Y. man’s Japanese T-shirt announces “I am not Sato,” we couldn’t agree more

Origin: Mr. Sato gives his first ever autograph, gets a broken heart in return
Copyright© RocketNews24 / SOCIO CORPORATION. All rights reserved.

Those familiar with Japanese pop culture have probably come across the jiggly pear mascot Funasshi, and those living in Japan probably can’t escape his image on TV, T-shirts, and tea. The unofficial mascot of Funabashi City had a grassroots rise to fame which was very unique in the world of mascots and stands as an inspiration to many.

Our very own Mr. Sato stands as one of those inspired by the giant dancing fruit, and decided to emulate Funasshi’s success by becoming a self-starting mascot himself. Of course, what better thing to represent than Funasshi himself! So by donning yellow make-up and leotards, he transforms into Satosshi, the unofficial mascot of Funabashi’s unofficial mascot Funasshi.

First stop on his road to riches is Funabashi City where the legendary “Funasshi Burger” topped with a slice of pear is said reside. There couldn’t be a better place to get some exposure.

Joining Satosshi along for this journey was fellow RocketNews24 Japan reporter Nakano. From the very start, Nakano has his reservations about Satosshi going into Funabashi dressed as their beloved mascot. He had heard stories of residents becoming violently angry at people who have pretended to be the jiggly pear in the past.

As Mr. Sato was applying his third coat of white eye make up on the car ride through Chiba Prefecture, Nakano pleaded one last time to reconsider. “They might misunderstand your intentions,” Nakano said. “Besides, Funasshi probably doesn’t really need your help. He’s already pretty big you know.”

“Look, those times the townsfolk got mad were because people were trying to pass themselves off as the real Funasshi with an identical costume,” Satosshi replied climbing out of the car. “I clearly look different. I’m a mascot of Funasshi and I think my love for him and the city really comes across in this costume.”

Satosshi continued his defense to Nakano saying how the real Funasshi was too busy traveling around the world, and that someone had to “hold the fort” while he was gone. However, despite Satosshi’s appeals, Nakano still couldn’t feel safe standing next to this big yellow walking target of hate.

They made their way to the Golden Burger restaurant where the Funasshi Burger was served. “I can’t go in there,” Nakano thought to himself, “They’re totally going to lynch us.”

Nakano: “Oh, say Satosshi?”

Satosshi: “Yessshi?”

Nakano: “Um, I just remembered… I’m, like, a vegetarian.”

Satosshi: “Ohssshi?”

Nakano: “Yeaaaah, the sight of meat just makes me think of all those slaughtered animals and stuff. It really offends me. If you don’t mind I’m just going to go find some… uh, baba ghanoush. I’ll meet up with you later okay?”

Satosshi: “Oh… okay then.”

And so Satosshi walked towards the entrance to Golden Burger alone. “That poor bastard,” thought Nakano.

He waited outside for the sounds of a scuffle and the sight of Mr. Sato’s lifeless body inevitably being thrown down the stairs for impersonating a local legend. However, minutes passed and nothing happened. Nakano peered up at the restaurant window.

It was fine! Satosshi sat there calmly eating his Funasshi burger in a crowded restaurant like it was perfectly normal. Just then, Nakano’s phone suddenly dinged and he checked his Twitter feed. It was from Golden Burger.

“Satosshi came to Golden Burger! Naturally he enjoyed a Funasshi Burger☆”

Ding!

“Funasshi Burger is Delicioussshi!”

Ding!

“Cannibalism”

After emerging from the restaurant unscathed, Satosshi told Nakano that the Funasshi Burger was surprisingly delicious. It had a slice of pear on top of the patty, which seemed a risqué choice for a burger topping, but the result was great.

He also got a souvenir Funasshi sticker for ordering it.

Nakano was shocked but also moved by the open-heartedness of the people of Funabashi. Rather than run Mr. Sato out of their town as the fraud he was, they welcomed him with fruity burgers and stickers.

Then it occurred to Nakano that perhaps it wasn’t just the wild antics of Funasshi that made him a success, but the generous support of the overwhelmingly nice people of Funabashi around him that helped his rise to greatness.

Shop Information

Golden Burger

2F Y.K. Bldg. 1-13-14 Honmachi, Funabashi, Chiba

Mon.-Thurs. 6:00pm-4:00am
Fri. 6:00pm-Midnight
Sat. 11:30am-Midnight
Sun. & Holidays 11:30am-4:00pm, 6:00pm-11:00pm
Closed on Tuesdays

Deliciousshiness ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ (because of the excitement of learning that pears actually went well with hamburgers)

Model: Mr. Sato
Report by Nakano
Photos: RocketNews24

▼ Look for Satosshi in your neighborhood unofficially raising awareness of Funasshi who’s unofficially raising awareness for Funabashi City

• Fake Funasshi fails at function, foiled by fuzz for infringement
• SoftBank’s mascot dog behaving badly at bizarre press conference
• Shiraishi Island needs YOUR character ideas!
• Jiggly Japanese pear mascot lands itself in deep water in the US【Video】
• Jiggly yellow pear, Funasshi, named top mascot in Japan

Origin: Funasshi’s unofficial mascot Satosshi grabs a pear burger and risks getting beaten up
Copyright© RocketNews24 / SOCIO CORPORATION. All rights reserved.

Over the years the mascot industry in Japan has swelled considerably. An uncountable number of people in big-headed costumes currently represent the nation’s prefectures, cities, government offices and private companies. Then on top of all that we have independent mascots running around too like Funasshi and Teruhiko.

However, the editors at RocketNews24 feel they have come up with something that will bring the entire mascot world down to its knees. His name is Hard Ku**mon and he is prepared to do something that no other mascot has done before: actual labor.

■ Loose Characters

Mascots in Japan go by the name of yuru-kyara which translates to “loose character.” This is probably more a reference to the typically puffy costumes they wear but might also be connected to the work itself.

Being a mascot basically entails wearing a furry costume and stumbling around while waving to strangers. That’s pretty much what I do on a Saturday night anyway except for the licensing deal.

Even our own Mr. Sato has entered the fray as Satosshi, in an effort to make some easy money. During his time in the murky depths of low-ranking yuru-kyara culture he came across another up-and-coming mascot by the name of Hard Ku**mon.

■ Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

Hard Ku**mon represents an important evolution in yuru-kyara. Shedding the over-sized fluffy suits and enormous heads he is a streamlined, aerodynamic mascot designed with performance in mind.

Of course he still maintains the yuru-kyara’s signature cuteness atop his head. But that is kept safely out of the way to ensure work gets done.

Unlike any other mascot, he cooks and cleans.

He can also assist people with desk work by providing back rubs while pointing out typos and poor sentence structures.

Indeed Hard Ku**mon has all the functionality of a regular person, making him head and shoulders above a regular yuru-kyara in terms of productivity.

■ Whipping RocketNews24 into shape

One day as Mr. Sato was coming off a shift as Satosshi and into his regular reporter gig, he noticed that his fellow reporter Wasai was dogging it a bit. He felt this was a time to bring in Hard Ku**mon to show him how to work more efficiently.

As we just saw in the video, Hard Ku**mon is first and foremost a mascot, so before showing Wasai how to work his butt off, he was sure to give him gentle caresses with his latex fingers so that Wasai could feel relaxed.

■ Hard Ku**mon’s mission

By now you might be thinking that Hard Ku**mon is a blatant rip-off of Kumamoto Prefecture’s famous mascot Kumamon. It’s hard to argue with that even though Hard Ku**mon can ride a bike way better than Kumamon.

So, Hard Ku**mon will travel to Kumamoto to request his authorization as an official yuru-kyara. If successful, his status in the yuru-kyara world will rise considerably and we will finally be able to remove those annoying asterisks from his name.

Will he succeed? Or will he get run out of town and placed on a sex-offenders’ registry? We will just have to wait and see. In the meantime, you can show your support for Hard Ku**mon on his Facebook page where currently, he has three likes.

Wait a minute… make that four!

Original report by Nakano
Photos and Video: RocketNews24 unless otherwise stated
Dancing Video: YouTube – Kyodo News
Kumamon video: YouTube – Yamaguchi Kazutoshi

• Jiggly yellow pear, Funasshi, named top mascot in Japan
• Teruhiko stirs up controversy on the net and makes a mean yakisoba
• The Smell of a Tanuki Monster Captured in a Perfume, Approved by the Triforce
• Hokuto City chooses developmentally challenged sushi as new mascot
• Fake Funasshi fails at function, foiled by fuzz for infringement

Origin: Hard Ku**mon is here to put lazy mascots out of work with his creepy latex hugs
Copyright© RocketNews24 / SOCIO CORPORATION. All rights reserved.

Imagine that you’re in Tokyo and having so much fun that you miss the last train home without even realizing it. You consider all the ways to kill time until the morning, but nothing appeals to you at all…so might we suggest some late-night all-you-can-eat yakiniku?

Join our intrepid reporter Mr. Sato as he tries out a yakiniku restaurant in Shinjuku, Tokyo which offers a special late-night all-you-can eat yakiniku deal. Even if you can’t make it there in person, don’t be afraid to live vicariously through his mouth-watering photos!

The somewhat awkwardly named Oroshi) Shinjuku Shokuniku Center Kiwame [卸) 新宿食肉センター 極], which translates to something like “Wholesale) Shinjuku Meat Center Kiwame,” has a special yakiniku offer that you positively can’t refuse. Between the hours of 11 p.m. and 2 a.m., you can enjoy 45 minutes of all-you-can-eat yakiniku for just 980 yen ($8.97) per person!

Like any diehard yakiniku fan, our Mr. Sato was ecstatic to hear about this amazing deal, and decided to check it out for himself at the earliest opportunity. But waiting until 11 p.m. proved hard as he could barely contain himself at the thought of sizzling yakiniku (after all, this excursion took place before the introduction of his alter-ego Satosshi). But his patience paid off, and he was soon on his way to yakiniku heaven.

▼A banner advertising the sweet deal

Unfortunately, getting to Kiwame proved to be a bit of a drag. The Shinjuku branch of the restaurant is situated near the Shinjuku City Office intersection, which also happens to be near Kabukicho, the area’s nightlife-central. If you’ve ever passed through certain parts of Kabukicho, you’ll know that it’s not exactly the best area to be walking around late at night. Anti-solicitation regulations have been in effect since September 2009, but they haven’t been particularly effective since they’re rarely enforced. In fact, Mr. Sato had to ignore multiple solicitations as he was walking along the street by the City Office. He cautions you to stay alert and to be on your toes at all times. If you’d rather not deal with the sketchy aspects of the journey, we’d suggest that the yakiniku restaurant Jiromaru may be a better choice for you, as it’s only a one-minute walk from Seibu-Shinjuku Statition.

When Mr. Sato finally arrived at Kiwame just past 11 p.m., four people were already waiting outside. Although he was expecting the line to grow longer as time went by, surprisingly no one else joined the queue behind him. Apparently everyone made their trains on time that night…

▼Fun fact: Liver is delivered daily to the restaurant. The sign outside shows that it arrived at noon on this particular day and gives the number of portions available.

Mr. Sato finally entered the restaurant a little before midnight. The menu offered three different sets–Sets A, B, and C. Each one came with two cuts of meat such as salted chicken thighs/miso-marinated pork neck or salted heart/salted liver. The print also said that you must first order one of the set menus, but after that you would be free to order the meat in any combination that you like. Mr. Sato decided to take advantage of this opportunity to order the C Set, which he had missed out on at the restaurant’s main location in Jinbocho because it was sold out at the time.

▼The menu advertising three sets

The C Set turned out to be a bit of a disappointment though because there was hardly any meat on the plate at all:

▼Huh? Isn’t that missing something…?

But when he ordered a second serving, for some reason it came with twice the amount of meat as the first one had! However, Mr. Sato got over his confusion quickly and decided to focus on just enjoying the additional meat. In his own words, thus began an endless cycle of grilling, consuming, grilling, consuming.

▼Now that’s more like it!

▼In addition to unlimited meat within your allotted 45 minutes, the soup, rice, and onion salad are also all-you-can-eat.

▼This is the A Set. Some words of wisdom: wait to grill things marinated in miso last, or else the grilling plate will get dirty very quickly.

As much as you might be tempted to gulp down a refreshing beer with your unlimited meat, Mr. Sato advises you to restrain yourself because your stomach will thank you later. Also, don’t load up on too much rice–you can have that anytime, and you’re here for the meat, after all!

Mr. Sato has one last piece of advice to impart to anyone thinking of loading up on all-you-can-yakiniku: don’t take too many pictures on your phone, or you’ll burn the meat before you know it…not that he’s speaking from personal experience or anything. Just focus on consuming as much yakiniku as humanly possible!

Information
Oroshi) Shinjuku Shokuniku Center Kiwame / 卸） 新宿食肉センター 極
Address:
1st floor, 2 Chome-10-5 Kabukicho, Shinjuku, Tokyo 〒160-0021, Japan
〒160-0021 東京都新宿区歌舞伎町2-10-5 1F
Hours: 8pm-6am
Tel: +81 3-6380-2963

Original article by Mr. Sato
Photos: RocketNews24
[ Read in Japanese ]

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Origin: Late-night all-you-can-eat yakiniku for only 980 yen? Yes, please!
Copyright© RocketNews24 / SOCIO CORPORATION. All rights reserved.

The inimitable Mr. Sato is such a big fan of Funasshi, the unofficial jiggly pear mascot of Funabashi City, that he even created his own mascot-to-the-mascot, Satosshi. This Halloween, Satosshi decided to head down to the famous Shibuya crossing to make friends with fellow costume-wearing Tokyoites.

Might there be other, kindred spirit Funasshi fans there? Will Satosshi be busted as an unofficial impersonator? Could Mr. Sato’s journalistic efforts be thwarted by a sudden attack of deadline confusion? And worse still, what if no one recognises him? Join us after the jump for a photo report from Satosshi’s big night out.

On this adventure, Satosshi is joined by his sidekick Sanmarinasshi, who also shares his love of pears, dancing, and belly flops.

▼ Yoroshiku onegaishimasshi!

▼ Time to leave the office!… (er, sorry, offisshi)

Satosshi and Sanmarinasshi hopped in a cab and rolled on down to Shibuya. They were expecting it to be busy, but they were still amazed by how many people there were! At first, they found themselves in the middle of a crowd of so many people, they couldn’t even move.

▼ “There’s no way we’re going to get acrosshi!”

Just when he was starting to wonder why he’d come at all, Mr. Sato suddenly remembered something even worse – he still had work left to do tonight! Luckily, he had his laptop with him, so he escaped from the crowd, sat down on the pavement and started working.

▼ “I don’t know if I can finisshi!”

Around him, Satosshi heard the voices of passers-by making disgusted comments about something. “What’s that?” they sneered. “So gross!”…”It’s not cute at all!”

Satosshi’s little yellow heart sunk as he realised: people were talking about him. Of course. In Shibuya on Halloween, the standard of costumes is amazingly high. How could he even have thought he could fit in here?

Then, suddenly, Satosshi heard another voice from behind him: “Can we take a picture together?” And then, one after another, a series of beautiful girls came to ask to have their photo taken together! It was like a dream!

▼ Is this the real life? Is this just fantasshi?

▼ They can’t believe their eyesshi!

It was worth coming after all, Satosshi realised, as he and Sanmarinasshi then got to meet hundreds of partiers in awesome costumes.

▼ Satosshi has fans from all walks of life (and death).

▼ They found another costumed pair who’d come as each other’s sidekicks!

▼ Sanmarinasshi tried to pout, too, but his mouth can only make a smile now.

Overall Satosshi was amazed and impressed by the range of costumes on show this Halloween.

▼ Check out the triple Jibanyans in the back!

▼ Well we know Mr. Sato loves coffee, so it stands to reason that Satosshi does too!

▼ Three very tall Marilyns.

▼ Zombie schoolgirls!

▼ Kayakuda Don!

 ▼ And a very cute Princess Fiona!

But best of all, they found a kinsman and friend: a Funasshi!

▼ One of us! One of us!

Although very impressed with the costumes he saw, Satosshi couldn’t help but notice that most of the party-goers who’d really gone all-out were girls. All-in-all, he felt the guys he saw were holding back a little with their outfits. His message for any reluctant male costume-wearers next Halloween? Give a really out-there costume a go! There’s nothing wrong with standing out from the crowd, after all.

All photos (c) RocketNews24
[ Read in Japanese ]

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Origin: Funasshi’s unofficial mascot Satosshi celebrates Halloween 2014 in his own special way!【Photos】
Copyright© RocketNews24 / SOCIO CORPORATION. All rights reserved.

Picture the scene. It’s 5pm on a Friday evening and you really, REALLY need (and deserve) a cold beer to reward yourself after a hard week’s work. But what’s that? Oh no! The boss wants you to do overtime!? Argh!

If this scenario sounds like the ninth circle of hell to you, fret not! RocketNews24 is here to bring you a genius new “life hack” which will enable you to achieve a state of blissful inebriation right underneath the boss’s nose, without even having to leave your desk! (Disclaimer: RocketNews24 is not responsible for any loss of earnings or reputation that may result from practicing this “experiment”. This post is for entertainment purposes only. Ahem.) Okay, Mr Sato, let’s see how it’s done!

If anyone loves a tipple, it’s Mr Sato. Known for occasionally partaking in a cheeky One-Cup sake at lunchtime (down in one at the register!), it’s no surprise he’s now come up with a genius method for getting a little tipsy at work. As Mr Sato explains, all you need is a can or bottle of your favourite alcoholic beverage and a small portable humidifier, which can easily be purchased from a home goods store. Mr Sato recommends using a “cool mist” type of humidifier instead of a “boiling” type, to avoid turning one’s office into a blazing inferno.

As you can see, he’s opted for umeshu (Japanese plum wine) but you can use other types of alcohol, too. Just steer clear of anything carbonated, like beer, as this tends not to humidify very well. Mr Sato would also like us to advise you not to use anything too alcoholic, such as tequila, as this may cause rapid over-inebriation and blow the whole gaff.

▼ How cute is Mr Sato’s piggy humidifier?

The methodology is simple. Place your humidifier on your desk (your co-workers will simply think you are concerned about dry air.) Then, surreptitiously pour your illicit drink into the water tank of the humidifier. Let the device get to work and then breathe in those sweet, sweet alcohol fumes. Voila! Invisible inebriation!

▼ Stealthy… stealthy… Yes, stealth is the key here.

▼ Hee hee! They don’t suspect a thing!

▼ Chug those fumes!

▼ Thanks, piggy!

We think you’ll agree that Mr Sato’s idea is as innovative as it is absolutely bonkers. Again, please don’t actually try this at work, unless your office is as chilled as the RocketNews24 office, that is!

All photos (c) RocketNews24

[ Read in Japanese ]

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Origin: Mr Sato invents ingenious “life hack” for sneaking alcohol at work
Copyright© RocketNews24 / SOCIO CORPORATION. All rights reserved.

Here at RocketNews24, we’re all about expanding our horizons. That means we’re always on the lookout for new places to visit, new burgers to eat, and most of all, new spheres of craziness for our intrepid Japanese language correspondent Mr. Sato to wade into.

Now, though, we’re ready for our beautiful, ambitious, tenacious, stylish, hygienic, innovative, trend-setting reporter to go someplace he’s never gone before: your home, in the form of charming Mr. Sato stickers that we’re giving away.

Read on to find out how to get your hands on a set.

Not too long ago, we sat down for a talk with the staff of character merchandising company Run’a to discuss pooling our creative talents. At our first meeting, Mr. Sato, a man who’s always got his finger on the voice of the people, offered the following suggestion.

“A giant sticker of my face that you could put on the inside of your bathroom door. That way, when you sit down on the toilet, our eyes would meet, which I’m sure would give people a positive feeling.”

The designers at Run’a, troopers that they are, made one for us.

But as you can see, despite coupling Run’a’s impressive level of craftsmanship with Mr. Sato’s photogenic mug, it isn’t the most versatile item. So, in our follow up meeting, they asked us if we had any other ideas with a wider range of applications.

Once again, Mr. Sato voiced a diagram of his vision.

“How about a smaller sticker that you could put on the toilet itself? Toilet lids have a pretty standard size, so you could make one design, and use it with many different toilets.”

The man is a genius.

▼ And the Run’a designers are thorough.

But despite finding another deep strain of bathroom functionality for the stickers, we have to admit their size sort of limits their usefulness. Yes, we’re sure the cheerful gaze of Mr. Sato will keep anyone in your household from hogging the bathroom for fear of all that eye contact making things awkward, but what about those rare individuals who don’t want to set up a Sato shrine that’s visible from the throne?

▼ Granted, this is a pretty terrifying Halloween costume, but what about the other 364 days of the year?

Eventually, we got Mr. Sato’s thinking back inside the box as he capitulated to the idea that bigger isn’t always better. So we had Run’a whip us up one more batch of stickers, this time in much more manageable dimensions. These new, compact versions are just the right size for sticking on your smartphone, laptop, or other belongs so that everyone knows they’re yours, so hands off!

▼ Don’t you just hate it when people mistake your neck for theirs and wander off with it?

The prototypes are all done, but they’re not quite ready to go on sale yet. Still, we’ve got more samples sitting around the office than we need, since our toilet is already up to full Sato-spec (not to mention we get to see the genuine article every day).

So instead, we’re giving them away to six lucky readers, each of whom will receive a sheet of three Sato Stickers.

Ordinarily, we’d determine the winners through a bare-knuckled battle royal martial arts tournament/cook-lunch-for-the-RocketNews24-staff combination contest, with the results weighted 30/70 to produce each entrant’s final score. Unfortunately, both our company arena and kitchen are currently under renovation, so instead, all you have to do is follow Mr. Sato on Twitter and Tweet him the message, “Gimme a sticker” (ステッカーくれ！ in Japanese). Winners will then be contacted so you can tell us where to mail your prize to.

But is the world really ready for 18 tiny Mr. Satos to be unleashed on it? Honestly, we’re not entirely sure ourselves, so to contain any potential mayhem, only those currently in Japan are eligible for this very first edition of Sato goodies. For everyone outside the country, sit tight and don’t worry, we’ll have something for all of you once the stickers are out of beta testing.

Related: Mr. Sato’s Twitter account
Photos: RocketNews24
[ Read in Japanese ]

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Origin: Mr. Sato is now a sticker, and we’re giving him away to six lucky readers!
Copyright© RocketNews24 / SOCIO CORPORATION. All rights reserved.

Our ace reporter Mr. Sato is currently into his 40s and during a conversation with one of his peers the other day he learnt that men of that age run a certain risk of diminished sperm. For instance, the man he was talking to recently got tested only to find that his sperm count was dropping to what he called the “requiem” stage.

This prompted Mr. Sato to actually think about what was going on down there, so he decided to get checked himself to make sure he wasn’t in his reproductive autumn as well. Luckily, it was learned that not only is Mr. Sato healthy but there’s a party in his pants…and yes, we’re all invited!

■ Tale of the Tape

After delivering his sample (a harrowing ordeal which involved a difficult-to-control Blu-ray player) Mr. Sato waited two hours for his initial results. His sperm was measured in four categories: amount of seminal fluid, number of sperm cells per mL, number of sperm cells in at once (a factor of the previous two figures), and motility, which is a measure of the sperms’ movement.

▼ The player in the depository had a selection of three discs, but the navigation functions were dreadful.

Each value is measured next to the WHO’s minimum amounts that have even a possibility of conceiving a child. When Mr. Sato received his results his face lit up brighter than it does with Funasshi make-up on. Not only was his sperm count nearly three times the minimum limit, his fluid was also over three times the lowest possible amount.

As a result, his massive loads contain a whopping 213 million sperms cells! This was well above the minimum amount of 39 million set by the WHO. Mr. Sato couldn’t help but feel manlier than ever. It was as if he had a pair of factories down there churning out little guys at a rate that would make Eiji Toyoda blush.

By now you’re probably saying “Pfft, yeah right. I’ll believe it when I see it.” Well, alright wiseguy we made sure to get video evidence. So, sit back, grab a snack and enjoy…Mr. Sato’s sperm.

Beautiful, ain’t it? It’s like a starry autumn sky.

■ The downside

As usual, doctors like to balance out a good test result with some sobering advice. Although it was above the minimum, the amount of movement in Mr. Sato’s sperm was a little on the low side. The doctor also cautioned him that his true fertilizing ability could only be understood with further testing.

This advanced testing would require a look at the DNA in detail and thoroughly examine the sperm cell’s head. This would require more time and money, two things Mr. Sato didn’t have any more so he postponed it for another time. He felt satisfied with the results he already got.

▼ The results also came with a commemorative photo (1000x magnification)

But the bad news didn’t stop there, medical staff also advised him to get at least a second test at a later date. Sperm counts can fluctuate quite a bit and even seasonal changes can cause large differences in the amount. Mr. Sato was also told to watch his weight as obesity can have nasty effects on the health of his sperm cells which were already looking a little on the lazy side.

Finally, he was told that he should ejaculate twice a week to maintain healthy sperm. He was hoping to hear an “at least” somewhere in the doctor’s sentence, but it never came.

■ With great sperm comes great responsibility

In spite of all the warnings, Mr. Sato felt very confident about the Shibuya Crossing of cells swimming around in his pants. However, he also felt a sense of danger with such a loaded weapon. Perhaps he was too fertile and a high risk for accidental pregnancy.

So, he set a personal rule that before asking any women out, he would first inform them that he has a massive density of sperm cells inside a larger-than-average glob of semen. This way potential mates can exercise the necessary caution, keeping a safe distance if need be. And so far they all have.

Original article by Mr. Sato
Photos & Video: RocketNews24

▼ Where the magic happens! Complete with heater, air purifier, Blu-ray, and tissues.

[ Read in Japanese ]

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Origin: Mr. Sato takes a sperm test, passes with flying colors
Copyright© RocketNews24 / SOCIO CORPORATION. All rights reserved.